| Just Close Your Eyes |
[Apr. 8th, 2012|01:25 am] |
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I know I have not been updating in jellymonsterr for a long time and I can only find comfort and solace in a place long forgotten. I think I have forgotten how to not step out of my comfort zone, and recently I have been letting myself go. Doing things that I used to be afraid of. It's at times like these where I realized that no matter how far you go in life, you must always only trust one person, and that person is yourself. Don't ever trust anyone else. I feel like I have strayed too far. Away from everything. Away from God, away from who I used to be, away from my family. I've come to a point in life where I really just wanna shut everyone out. I'm so tired of just listening to everyone else. I am so tired of bothering, and making their problems mine. I just really need a break and get out of here and straighten my thoughts out. I just need my time alone. I don't wanna mix around with others. I don't need new friends. All I need are my girls. And they are enough for me. Doesn't matter if they don't need me the way I need them. As long as I know that they will always be in my heart. I feel so tired. I just wanna leave, for a short trip maybe. Just take things off my mind. I just wanna leave this place and not come back for awhile. I am thankful however for having the people around me. Just that at this point of time in life I really wish I could be alone. I wanna lie at home all day and just shut everyone out. I miss just being in IJ at least I know that I can count on my girls no matter what. Why do I have to feel this way. Why do I always have to feel this way. I feel like shit and I just wanna ignore everyone. Why am I so complacent? How can I forget. I just hate people and I hate everything about everyone. I just wanna be alone. Please I just wanna cry. Eliza if you ever read this. PLEASE KILL ME OR SMTH argh. I feel like I need to take something. I want my fucking cough syrup. I wanna sleep for days and wake up and feel happy. I hate myself. I hate how I can never lose weight. I hate how I can't motivate myself to exercise. All I can think of is fucking starving, which is what I do best. I am just really damn tired. FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I need help before it's too late. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2011|01:53 am] |
Haha.
I don't really wanna talk about how i feel right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2011|01:44 am] |
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No. Im not happy things turned out this way. I can't take it. I need help. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2011|08:47 pm] |
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No. im not okay. I came with questions. I left without answers. I'm sitting alone at some food court now typing this. i know one day i will look back at this and laugh. I'm upset. I feel horrible. You can't see that i'm tired. I'm sick of this. You make me cry so bad. I just wished you saw things from my point of view. No. im not ok you dont understand. you dont understand at all. |
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| Young. |
[Mar. 9th, 2011|02:38 am] |
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I get confused easily. I cry easily. I am soft, I am weak. I admit, but i love the way i am. I've been confused with loads of things lately. Thoughts bombarding my brain. There are many things I don't understand.There are many things i wanna do right now. School is kinda eating up most of my time. I was using gina's twitter to check on my girls, just see how they were doing a few days back, and they were all tweeting about ij. I kinda miss ij, quite a bit actually. I miss opening my locker in the morning. I can still imagine and feel the metal against my skin. I can remember my first lock. HAHA i miss my girls. I love my girls so much, i don't know how i can even put it into words. I would never ever give them up for anything in the world. Oh just yesterday, the girls and i headed to haji for sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesha i love catching up with them i love being around them. I am thankful for my girls. I am thankful I have them, that they love me for who I am. I am thankful that they appreciate me. I am thankful that they love me. I would never trade anything or anyone for my precious girls. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2010|12:56 pm] |
School's starting next week.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2010|11:08 pm] |
GO AWAY D
GO
AHHAHAH |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2010|11:30 pm] |
I'm so sorry there is nothing i can do to make you feel better :(
I'm so sorry for your loss.
:( |
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jellymonsterr's journal
